I consider myself a pretty optimistic and choose-joy, kind of person. Ironically there’s a flip side to that which involves a lot of thinking and thoughts that are the polar opposite. I am not a ray of sunshine 24/7, and have always had my struggles. They’re there, and the pits, and valleys come and go along with intermittent sun breaks.
So, I figured I’d share the latest battle and epiphany that gave my heart a hug. Because, you know, we all are dealing with something, and who knows, maybe this could help.
The latest thought: What do I have to look forward to? …and my mind likes to tell me, not much.
Please don’t judge. It’s a thought I often have. What do I have to look forward to and get excited about? – In life, marriage, being a mother, my work, my body, and health. (other than traveling and escaping life for a week or so at a time if the budget allows. And then I feel guilty leaving my pup behind who is getting older.)
It was this overarching theme in the back of my mind that I couldn’t kick. And a huge part of me just expects the worst to happen in each of those categories. I don’t know why my mind does this to me but it does.
Good thing God knows my brain.
Queue the a-ha moment.
I was in church this past Sunday (Hallelujah for actually being able to go again after a year) and I don’t know if it was the song they were playing or just my mental exhaustion but I finally got out of my head and listened, as God totally smacked me in the head with this truth…
Every single blessing and source of unrelenting joy in my life is something I did not plan out or predict for myself.
God has plans for me and a better future than I could ever imagine. I’d love to see his dream board he has for me, just a little glimpse.
He’s done a pretty phenomenal job so far, so why get all caught up in the confines of my own meager planning abilities? Yes, it’s great to dream, but I need to realize stuff I dream might not come true, but it’ll end up better in the end.
Or I’ll end up being a better person. Which is the ultimate goal, right?
I used to wake up each morning and pray and in doing so, give up my worries to God. I think I’ll get back on track to doing that. And I think I might add to please guide me in having a kick-ass life, too. We will see what he has up his sleeve. I know it won’t be perfect and It’ll probably involve having to move to and away from the beach again (he just LOVES doing that to me for some reason). But I know it will definitely be something to look forward to.
Because I’m not the one in control or planning it all.
Thank the Lord.
If anyone else has been feeling this way hope it helps a bit to know you’re not alone or at least made some sense. It just felt good to write.
*Pic above = so many joys I could’ve never predicted. And cherry blossoms…because they’re everywhere lately and it makes me smile.