Well, I started off this quarantine with a bang: Motivated, pretty darn productive, super healthy, positive, and convinced I could teach Levi how to speak Spanish. Fast-forward to day 285, or whatever it is…and let’s say I’ll proudly admit I hit a wall a week or two ago. I realized I’m human and gave myself some grace to stop trying to be superhuman. But, then the guilt came in. So fun.
I’ve kept on painting, Levi can say, “yo soy un niño” and “yo como manzanas” (and know what it means. I think.) I’ve consumed two massive fruity pebbles covered doughnuts in the past few weeks (worth every calorie), and am still relatively positive and optimistic. But damn, things just feel off. And honestly it’d be weird if they didn’t.
And you know what helps? (Other than just forgetting about the world/unplugging and having a blast with Levi)…is writing. It helps make sense of things, helps me realize when I’m being ridiculous, and I don’t know, sometimes it makes for a good laugh. So here we go…
A dozen random quarantine thoughts after week 73 (Sorry, I haven’t been counting).
• In order to keep myself from cutting my own bangs with kitchen scissors at midnight or dying my hair brown, I got some MoroccanOil Color Depositing Mask and temporarily dyed my hair rose gold. Yes this is totally superficial news, but it helped and I’m digging the new tint. If only it covered grey hairs…
• The question is, when salons open again in WA, am I going to chop off my mop, or leave it long and just add bangs. I know people are dealing with sooooo much bigger problems, it feels weird to even talking about hair so much, but can we all agree stylists are awesome, missed, loved more than ever, and just do a lot for our mental health and well being.
• Speaking of Mental health – other than the Fruity Pebbles doughnuts, and a daily glass of full-bodied Red wine accompanied by some dark chocolate ( which in retrospect is a pretty healthy after diner snack), I’ve managed a pretty darn healthy quarantine. Daily workouts, my husband is being super healthy so my diet is pretty dialed in too…but mentally, yeah not so much. I’m always in and out of a funk these days. I feel guilty even saying that, but then again, we’re all dealing with different stuff, and are all humans. Fun fact: I flat out ugly cried today after my workout for no specific reason other than I just felt numb, confused, and sweaty. The natural deodorant isn’t cutting it these days either.
• Which all had me thinking, these last five years have been such a roller coaster, I’ve kind of forgotten what sets my soul on fire, or as I read in my devotional today, what energizes me and is my heart’s mission. Hmmmm. Yeah, I think I really need to start journaling ( in a non-public platform) more just to keep throwing out ideas and feelings each day to try and make sense of it all. Honestly, I’m kind of pumped to be turning 40 later on this year and maybe be one of those kick-ass women who starts a business or does something to better the world after 40. Which, I try to do with this blog, but you know, it’s good to think of new things, learn and take some leaps.
• Ok travel, the ocean, and experiencing new beautiful wide-open spaces ( with very few humans in sight) energize my spirit and excite my heart. So I’m also just itching to travel again. Big time. But I am so thankful I live in a region with SO much to offer within driving distance. Unfortunately, warm water surfing isn’t one of them. Cool hikes to lush waterfalls are thankfully possible. I just need to start seeking inspiration somewhere other than underneath a palm tree.
• Current debate: Would I rather have a house on the beach or a ranch in Montana (like the Duttons on Yellowstone) with no one around. There’s a strong case for both.
• I read the CDC guidelines/suggestions for reopening schools this fall, and am very relieved Levi has another year before Kindergarten.
• Be kind be kind be kind be kind. Even when your husband decides to start making decaf coffee in the morning. True story. Be kind.
• People are binge-watching shows and movies, and I’ve just been completely jaded by Succession. Ever since I started watching it I can not watch any other show. It’s incredible. I’ve watched season 1 twice and season3 three times. The sad thing is I have no clue when they are going to be able to start filming Season 3. As Logan Roy would say, “F*ck off Covid.”
• If there’s a song that would be a soundtrack to a montage video of the past decade it’d be “What I know” by Trevor Hall. If there’s one album I’d recommend people listen to to help unwind and relax, it’d be Gregory Alan Isakov and the Colorado Symphony Orchestra, if there’ s a song to rage out and break a sweat to it’s “Nobody Speak” by DJ Shadow ft. Run the Jewels.
• I’ve made a bunch of impulse buys over this quarantine I’m not too proud of (and they really didn’t help emotionally as much as I hoped they would.) However, one was a box of Godiva Chocolates at Costco. I’d buy that beauteous box of morsels over and over again. Each night after I out Levi to sleep, I’d grab chocolate (or two) and have a glass of Cab to go with it. Splurging on Isabel Marant Dewina boots (on super sale) might’ve made sense at the time, but those chocolates and wine did so much more for my soul than those soles ever will. They are some pretty kick-ass boots though.
• If being on TikTok is what it takes to be in the cool/successful influencer group now, well consider this my queue to gradually ride off into the sunset.
Hang in there, my friends. Hope to see you back at a beach sometime soon. Even if we have to be six feet apart, most boards are longer than 6 feet anyways, so we should be fine. In the meantime, I’ll be here chasing waterfalls with my little dude.
..and watching Season 1 of succession again.
Hoodie = Aviator nation ninja hoodie – you can even pull it up over your mouth and nose. Sorry, this was an impulse buy too.
Ha ha! I am in totally agreement about TikTok. I just can’t do it.
Thank you for always being so relatable and uplifting!
I have been on a journaling kick too and highly recommend checking out The Artists Way! It really helped me get unstuck and more connected to what brings me joy and creativity 🙂
I’m with you on the impulse purchases. Whoops, but stoked to have an excuse to support.
Thank you for the honest words- this is how so many of us feel right now but is a great reminder to refocus on what makes us happy instead; I’m also helping keep Free People in business with the impulse buys these days!