So I feel Like I announced I was moving to Minnesota, moved, then immediately jetted off to Kauai and Puerto Rico. Oh wait that is what really happened. But, as thrilling as the last month in a half has been, it’s back to reality now.
And I’m having a hard time adjusting.
One thing very few of you know is I actually lived in Minnesota before. I went to grad school for a bit in Minneapolis, so I’m moving back somewhere. Which is just something that is creepy to me. Moving somewhere totally new is exciting, moving back somewhere, it’s this weird sensation of knowing I’ve been through so much, gone different places, and grown, but am back somewhere…that still feels the same. Maybe I’m weird, but that just the way it feels.
When we moved from Hawaii to Seattle, though it was absolutely heartbreaking, Seattle turned out to be amazing. It was a new region, there was a big Hawaii connection, I was still close to the water, and let’s face it, it was just my husband and I in the pre kiddo and pup era. I’d grab my paddle board and go paddle on the lakes any chance I got, was out and about, and would lift then go to outrigger practice. Do I miss it? Yes.
LA – well I’ve moved there a bunch of times before, and I just have a love hate relationship with the place. Love the beach and being close to the ocean, but made me miss Hawaii more than ever. There were so many professional opportunities, and also frustrations. And being a gal who craves wide open spaces, I felt extremely claustrophobic at times. Do I miss it? Yes.
Bay Area – It had the newness, and fun adventure nor cal vibe, Santa Cruz and Surfing, and Half moon bay with the pup and little dude. Which all had me at hello. But that took me a while to get adjusted, and the second I started to get in my groove…we moved. Do I miss it? Yes. Just not the rent. Ouch.
The whole point of this rambling is I think it’s important to share your highs and lows. It just feels weird getting back to writing some perky DIY, roundup post, or workout, without first sharing that I’m honestly, really, really just trying to figure out this new life. With a toddler, and pup in tow, all while rocking yoga pants, my Patagonia puffer jacket, and Uggs more than I thought humanly possible.
Last night My husband and I watched a movie where there was scene when everyone was going out for a sunset surf, and I cried from the inside out. I see pics of my friends at the beach with their kiddos, and my chin starts to quiver. I’ve stopped looking through all my old pics. It just hurts, and it makes moving on and figuring out things that much more difficult.
Trust me though, I have a good perspective, I am so grateful for my health, my family, my husband’s job, my job (although I wish I was one of these mega bloggers who makes hundreds of thousands of dollars…then I could justify us being able to move back to the beach), a roof over our head, our life, and whatever the future holds. But I’m learning, it’s ok to be hurt for a little when a big change happens too.
It seems like we are moving further and further away from where we want to be, and where are hearts are…but it’s just life right now. God has a plan, and he never wastes a hurt, and like I said before, has a great sense of humor.
And the good part is Levi is happy, full of belly laughs, and totally oblivious to his new location. He finds joy in everything, which is such a great thing to be around, and I something I need to take notes on. Toddler perspective on life for the win. Hallelujah.
Some of my best friends (who have witnessed all of my life’s moves) always have told me, “Bek, you could figure out how to love living anywhere.” …which I plan on doing here. In Minnesota. Again.
I know it’s all going to work out, and be ok. Summer will be amazing. And when we move away from here (just being realistic here)…Will I miss it? You bet.
This one, well, it’s just going to take some time.
Time to find a new wide open, hardly any other people in sight, gosh nature is amazing happy place with some water nearby.
Time to dust off the paddle board ( and longboard yay Great Lakes surfing), and get out on the water.
Time to meet new friends, and get reacquainted with old ones.
Time to get settled in and actually make this house feel like a home. Preferably a beach inspired one. (Dang this might take a LOT of time.)
Time to find a way to still be me, that quirky, always barefoot wearing aloha print, loud, outside as much as possible, let’s make the most of each day, me.
In the meantime, just know I’m doing my best, have my ups and downs like any other human, am enjoying life, but also mending a heartache, staring blankly into space wondering what the hell is going on, still saving up dollars and frequent flier miles to get back to Hawaii regularly…and drinking way too much coffee.
La vie est belle.
Just in a different way sometimes.
Keeping it real, and giving it time,
*Pictured above – A few snaps from Minnesota – The big one is me after unpacking my box of bikinis. It was zero degrees out that day, and I was rather excited to embrace some nylon.